


It's Cold

by Caelestria



Category: History (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Biting, Finger Sucking, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hotel, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Secret Relationship, Sex, Squirting, Swallowing, blowjob, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:23:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelestria/pseuds/Caelestria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secret relationships brew many emotions: good and bad. It conjures the warm fluffy feeling of love and the cold bitter taste of jealousy. When one partner is down, it is the other's duty to cheer them up. </p>
<p>How would you prove your love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter Chill

It was cold.

The chill cut through their clothes relentlessly. A sharp wind whipped at their faces. Ice frosted the benches beside them. The sun was already gone, leaving only remnants of light to warm the sky. The trees had lost their leaves with the onset of winter. The grass in the park was slowly losing its green luster.

“It’s so cold. Why are we waiting outside?” Yijeong asked, jumping up and down where he stood. Their manager was supposed to come to pick them up after dinner. They had been waiting outside for an hour. Honestly, they should have just stayed inside the restaurant at this point.

“It is winter,” Kyungil pointed out. “And almost nighttime.” He didn’t seem to be affected. He stood stoically in his big coat while the wind ruffled his hair into bizarre styles. 

Despite the chill, Yijeong was glad they were able to go out alone together. It was like a date.

“Hyung~?” Yijeong looked up with begging eyes. “Will you let me into your coat?”

Kyungil recognized the pattern, but he fell for it every time. “Come here,” he said. A feeling of motherly care washed over him. He unbuttoned his coat and wrapped it around Yijeong. The boy was shivering. 

“You should have told me sooner,” Kyungil chastised. 

“It wasn’t that bad before.”

“Still, I don’t want you to catch a cold. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you get sick on my watch?”

Yijeong shivered happily at that word: boyfriend. Due to their schedule, he didn’t get to hear it often. There were always other people around. 

“Well then you would just have to take care of me until I get better.”

“You sure you aren’t just going to ask Dokyun?” Kyungil retorted.

Yijeong broke into a smile. “Are you jealous?” he asked incredulously.

“Don’t tease me.”

Yijeong glanced around quickly. No one was watching them. He stepped onto his tiptoes and placed a soft, yet comforting, kiss on Kyungil’s lips. They were burning hot compared to his. He had wanted to do that all night. Sitting across from him at the table, watching Kyungil eat and lick his lips only fueled his fantasies.

“Kyungil, you know that—”

“Shit, you’re really cold,” Kyungil cut him off. Worry stitched his eyebrows together.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing!”

Kyungil held Yijeong’s shoulders and pulled him into the nearest hotel. The warm air from the hotel’s heater made his skin numb, almost painfully.

“You don’t have to go this far,” Yijeong protested.

“Be quiet.”

Kyungil paid for a room on the spot and received a key. They went up the elevator in silence. Yijeong didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell if Kyungil was mad or worried or both. 

“I’m sorry?” Yijeong offered tentatively.

“Just come on.”

They took off their shoes at the entrance of the room. Kyungil took their coats and hung them up in the sliding-door closet. The room was small with only one bed in the center of the room and a bathroom to the left. 

“We should brush our teeth.” Kyungil suggested, almost as an afterthought.

They went to the bathroom and used the packaged toothbrush and toothpaste the hotel provided. 

“Go to the bed,” Kyungil commanded after they had washed their faces.

“What? You want me to sleep now? It’s only eight.”

“It’s actually nine now, but you don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to.” 

Yijeong’s eyes widened. “You mean—”

They had been dating in secret since they realized that their sexual tension on stage and behind the scenes was not just for show. It had been mutual, and they unlocked a whole new world together. However, that world was kept private. No one else could know. Who knows what would happen if the world knew that they were in a homosexual relationship?

But was Kyungil suggesting that they move their relationship another step forward tonight? He felt a blush creep up his to his face. He complacently sat down on the edge of the bed. Sure, he was very into physical contact, but he had never done anything romantic with anyone else, let alone sexual.

“Yeah, I want to warm you up. You were really freezing.”

“Oh, right.” Yijeong was a little disappointed. He started to get in bed.

“Don’t you want to take off your clothes?” Kyungil asked.

Yijeong made a strangled sound as he fought his vocal chords to speak. “Uh…ah um right. Sure. Wait, all of them?” 

“Well, you’re going to be getting in bed, and your clothes are dirty.”

“Right…that’s true.”

Yijeong took off his second jacket, shirt, and pants and laid them on a chair. Kyungil took them and hung them up. He did the same with his own clothes.

Yijeong stood in the center of the room in his boxers, unsure of what to do. 

“Now get in bed. You’re still shivering.”

“Okay,” Yijeong said obediently. His heart was pounding madly in his ears. He really needed to calm down! He lay down on the bed, and Kyungil pulled the blankets up over him. Since Kyungil was shirtless, Yijeong could really feel the heat radiating from his chest. Then Kyungil moved away, leaving only cold sheets against his skin. Yijeong didn’t like that. 

He grabbed Kyungil’s arm and pulled him onto the bed and on top of him. Yijeong was laughing until he realized how heavy Kyungil was. He yelled an obscenity and struggled to get him off. Kyungil started laughing too and refused to move. He lay on top of Yijeong, hugging him tight like a teddy bear. 

“Get off! You’re so heavy!” Yijeong shouted.

“Are you calling me fat?”

“No! You’re all muscle and it’s heavy as hell! So get off, please!”

“But I don’t want to get off.” Kyungil nuzzled in closer, putting his head on Yijeong’s shoulder and sliding his hand up his chest.

“At least get under the blankets!”

Kyungil bought that argument. Once in, he scooted back to Yijeong and wrapped an arm around him. Underneath the blankets quickly warmed like an oven. 

Kyungil didn’t say anything. Yijeong felt his breaths relaxing. Was he falling asleep?! Yijeong didn’t know what to do. His heart still hadn’t calmed down and mind had been racing with dirty thoughts. He couldn’t stop imagining Kyungil hovering over him, muscles taut as he held himself up. The look in his eye would be ferocious yet loving; he was an animal, full of drive and passion. Yijeong shuddered just thinking about it. He imagined Kyungil’s hands traveling down his body, over his chest, his stomach. And when he would finally get to the hem of his boxers…

Fuck.

Yijeong felt the fabric of his underwear stretch and press against him. He knew he had gotten hard. 

“Damn it…” he whispered to himself.

He would have gone to the bathroom to take care of his problem in private, but Kyungil was wrapped around him with a death grip. Yijeong didn’t understand what the problem was. They slept together like this most nights, unless either of them was still working, so why was he so hard right now? Was it the place? It was secure and secluded. The door had a lock. The only people they would have to worry about were the strangers next door. They wouldn’t have to worry about being caught by someone they knew here. 

Yijeong slowly moved his hand down and touched himself over the cloth. He almost moaned when he hit the right spot. He couldn’t believe how hard he was. He hadn’t had a problem like that since puberty hit him in middle school. 

He didn’t know what to do. Kyungil’s chest was flush against his back so Kyungil would feel it if he moved his arm any more. Yijeong squirmed, trying to get in a better position. He slid his hand into his shorts.

“Are you uncomfortable?” Kyungil asked, right against his ear.

Yijeong jumped and whipped around. “I thought you were asleep.” He quickly took his hand out.

“The lights are still on.”

“You weren’t saying anything so I just assumed…”

“You’re bright red. Are you too hot now?”

“No! No… I just—no, I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. Do you have a fever?” Kyungil felt his forehead with his own. Yijeong blushed harder. Their faces were so close. Their noses were almost touching. He felt like Kyungil could see right through his eyes and into his brain. “You do! See, you should’ve told me sooner. Yijeong—”

“It’s not a fever!” Yijeong supposed Kyungil really wasn’t that observant.

“What do you mean?”

Yijeong looked to the side. “At least, I don’t think it is.”

“Then what do you think it is?”

“You’re…too close.”

“What? I’m always this close. You do that to me too.” _And to other people_ , Kyungil noted privately.

“Yeah, but right now is kind of…”

“Kind of what?”

“Never mind. Just…you don’t have to hold me any longer. I’m not cold anymore.”

“Yijeong, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No!” Yijeong turned back to face him. “Why would I be—?”

Kyungil held the back of his head, and Yijeong lost his words somewhere inside his brain. His eyes widened at the realization of what Kyungil was doing. He had time to move away, but it wasn’t like he wanted to. Kyungil brought his head closer and kissed Yijeong gently. Their lips caressed each other softly.

“Is that what you wanted?” Kyungil asked.

Yijeong gazed at him longingly before looking away out of embarrassment. He bit his lip as if considering it. “Maybe.”

“You’re so cute,” Kyungil said before capturing him in another kiss. This time it was longer. And less gentle. 

Yijeong’s tongue grazed the close of Kyungil’s lips, begging to be let in. Kyungil opened his mouth more and their tongues entangled. He ran his hand through Yijeong’s hair. It was fluffy, a little damaged from chemicals, but it still felt nice. And Yijeong definitely liked the touch. 

Kyungil let his hand explore more territory. He felt his way down Yijeong’s neck and the side of his torso until he reached his ass. He grabbed him and forced him closer. Yijeong was still half hard, and it collided against Kyungil’s abdomen.

“Ah!” Yijeong cried out.

Their kiss broke. Yijeong was blushing up to his ears.

“You were hard?”

“Please don’t make me answer.” Yijeong was scared to look at his expression. He stared fixedly at his chest. Did Kyungil not want to do anything sexual? It was a natural progression in any relationship, and Yijeong really did love him. Not to mention he was very vital.

“No…I’m glad you’re turned on by me. It…is by me right? You weren’t thinking about someone else?”

Yijeong looked up tentatively. “Only you.”

That sparked something inside Kyungil. “God, you’re so sexy.”

Kyungil attacked his mouth with his lips while using his hand to feel the inside of Yijeong’s thigh, occasionally teasing his balls with his fingertips. Yijeong couldn’t stand it anymore. He just wanted Kyungil to touch him! He grabbed Kyungil’s hand and put it in his boxers. Kyungil could feel the wetness gathered at the tip. He slid his thumb along the head. The skin was supple. 

Yijeong slid his boxers off so Kyungil could have easier access.

“I’ve never done this with another guy so tell me if I’m being too rough, okay?” Kyungil said uncertainly.

Yijeong nodded.

Kyungil held his dick and slid his hand down, pulling down the foreskin. 

“Nngh,” Yijeong moaned. He rested his head against Kyungil’s chest. It hadn’t even been a minute, and he was already panting. 

Kyungil spit in his hand as impromptu lube. He maintained a steady motion that left Yijeong quivering. His very touch electrified him and sent him to the edge. But he wasn’t ready to surrender yet.

Yijeong reached down into Kyungil’s boxers to return the favor. He gasped in surprise. It felt so thick. He looked up. 

“How are you so big?” It was Kyungil’s turn to blush, and a smile tweaked at his lips. Yijeong pouted. “How am I going to fit that inside of me?”

“Inside of you?” Kyungil asked incredulously. Yijeong felt Kyungil’s cock twitch in his hands at the thought. 

“Well, yeah… I just thought since we were alone, away from the others, in this hotel room that we could maybe…try it? Unless you don’t want to.”

“Of course I do.”

“Really? Are you…sure? You know I’m not a girl, right? I’ll never have boobs or wide hips or a round ass.”

“I know that. And I like your ass. We’ve gotten this far. Why are you so concerned now?”

“In London you said that you liked girls.”

“We were on stage.”

“So?”

“You basically confessed to me in front of so many people! I didn’t know what to do.”

“I wanted you to confess back.”

“You know I couldn’t do that… Dokyun was already jokingly calling you gay. Who knows what they would do here. Our group would get branded with a bad reputation. I can’t do that to the other members and especially not to you.”

“Okay, I get it,” Yijeong said but he still frowned. He was sure that those girls in London would have loved it. They had screamed so loudly when he said that Kyungil was his type.

“Hey, I’ll do something that no straight guy voluntarily do. Sit up.”

Yijeong adjusted the pillow into an upright position and sat leaning against it. He pulled the sheet up to cover himself, but Kyungil just pulled it back down.

“What—?”

Kyungil’s stare quieted him down. He looked determined. Kyungil grabbed Yijeong’s hips and turned him to face him more. His face was right at his crotch; his lips were brushing against his skin. Yijeong could barely handle the sight. Then, Kyungil opened his mouth and slowly dragged his tongue along the underside of Yijeong’s erection. He used his hand to hold the base and slid the length into his mouth. He could feel Yijeong hit the back of his throat when he reached the base. His pubic hair tickled his nose.

“Ahn… Hyung, you don’t have to—mmnn…ahh…” Yijeong couldn’t contain himself. He was already trying so hard to keep himself from cumming early; holding back his voice was one job too many. His fingers dug into the sheets, trying to pull out a bit of sanity with it. 

Kyungil mouth was working on his cock while his hands were holding Yijeong’s thighs apart. He looked up at Yijeong and admired the flush on his pale skin and the redness of his lips. The date this evening was so unexpected that Yijeong hadn’t put on eye makeup today so his eyes looked bare and naked. Kyungil almost preferred him this way; it was more pure and natural.

“I know I don’t _have_ to, but I _want_ to.” His voice was almost a growl.

Yijeong shuttered; this time it was from the heat, not the chill.

Kyungil noticed Yijeong was clutching the sheets and stretched his fingers out towards him. He wanted to hold his hand. Yijeong jolted up and then smiled embarrassedly, happy to feel his touch. When Kyungil went back to sucking, he could feel how Yijeong tensed up when he hit his frenulum or when he took it all the way in his mouth. He worked his way up the shaft, licking and kissing as he went. Once he got to the top, he swirled his tongue around the top and slammed him into his mouth. He moved back up, sucking slowly. Then back down. He picked up the pace. 

Yijeong was moaning like crazy. Normally, Kyungil would have been concerned with people in the neighboring rooms hearing, but right now he wanted to hear him. He wanted to hear how excited _he_ made him.

“Hyung…ah stop. Please…wait! No, hold on. I’m going to… I can’t hold it.”

“It’s okay,” Kyungil looked into his eyes. “Cum for me.”

He took him back into his mouth. The loving warmth was back around Yijeong’s cock, begging him to release. With only a few more sucks, Yijeong ejaculated. His body tensed as the orgasm rippled through him. He held Kyungil’s head against his crotch to make the sensation last. The heat was amazing! He could feel Kyungil swallowing everything, the way his throat contracted and pulsed. 

Finally, Yijeong’s body relaxed; it was like he was floating. 

Kyungil coughed, shocking Yijeong back to reality. He released his grip on Kyungil’s head.

“Ah! Sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to—.”

Kyungil wiped the side of his mouth, cleaning the bit that spilled. He pushed himself up from his position near the end of the bed and pulled Yijeong down to lie beside him. He pushed Yijeong’s bangs out of his eyes. 

“You know that I love you, right?”

Yijeong’s throat tensed with nervous excitement. That wasn’t something Kyungil admitted often.

“Y-yeah… I do.” He twisted his hands together nervously.

“So then you should know that I want to do these kinds of things with you. You don’t have to apologize after.”

“But it’s dirty…” he pouted. “You didn’t have to swallow it.”

“But did you enjoy it?” Kyungil persisted.

“Of course I did!”

“Then I don’t mind getting dirty for you.”

Yijeong smiled and hugged him tighter. He nuzzled into his broad chest. “I love you too.”

“I know,” Kyungil said confidently. His voice reverberated from his chest.

Yijeong looked up sharply, suspicious. “How are you so good at it, anyway?”

“I guess I’m just a natural,” he brushed off.

“You haven’t… You’ve never, uh—.”

“No, I’ve never sucked a guy off before, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Okay,” Yijeong clutched at Kyungil uncertainly. He suddenly felt self-conscious, “but what have you done?”

“With a guy?”

“Anyone.”

They could hear a car’s tires crunch over the gravel in the hotel’s outdoor parking lot. It backed up and pulled out onto the main road.

Kyungil sighed. “Well, I’m not a virgin. I had a girlfriend in high school.”

“What?” Yijeong looked flustered. “I-I mean, I guess I didn’t really expect someone like _you_ to be a–a virgin at this age, but I just…” So Kyungil had loved another and shared part of himself with her. He couldn’t be his first like he was for him. The thought was disheartening.

“If I knew I was going to meet you later in life, I would have waited.”

“Really?” The hope in Yijeong’s eyes really was cute.

“Yeah, she wasn’t meaningless—I did like her then—but I love you a lot more,” he paused, gathering his words. “Yijeong, would you let me be your first?”

Yijeong nodded. It felt like he was proposing. His heart fluttered with joy. 

“Are we, uh, going to do it tonight?”

“I don’t have any lube or condoms with me, so we should probably wait.” He saw Yijeong’s look of disappointment. “We don’t have to rush things.”

“Okay,” Yijeong agreed. He was so ready to do it now, though. How long was he going to have to stay a virgin for?

“Let me go turn off the lights so we can get some sleep.”

Yijeong sat up. “You don’t need me to do anything for you?”

Kyungil got out of the covers and stood up. “No, I’m fine.”

Yijeong glanced at his crotch and saw that he really was fine. There was no reaction in his shorts. Did he not fantasize about him…? Yijeong thought about Kyungil all the time—sometimes when he really shouldn't be thinking about him. He had to try so hard to hide his hard-on during interviews when Kyungil wouldn’t stop touching him. 

The lights turned off. 

The sun was already out of the sky. Only lights from the nearby buildings and stores shone into the room from the window. Yijeong could make out Kyungil’s shadowed figure approaching the bed. He admired his figure. Kyungil always worked so hard to keep his body in shape. And it really paid off… Fuck he was going to get hard again. 

Kyungil got into bed and instantly cuddled up behind Yijeong. It’s basically a habit now. Yijeong settled back into his arms. They always seemed to fit together perfectly. But why didn’t Kyungil get hard? Were they not as compatible as he had previously thought? Yijeong supposed it wasn’t really normal to get turned on by sucking a guy off, but somehow he felt like it would be the hottest thing ever to be able to service Kyungil like that.

Still troubled, he was overwhelmed with the sleepiness that followed orgasm. He fell asleep quickly with Kyungil’s heat encasing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During History's concert in London, Kyungil said that he liked girls in the Q&A section. The video can be seen here: https://youtu.be/jQICbDSHTts?t=9m19s (the video is not mine / credit to the owner!)
> 
> Sorry if Yijeong seems a bit too whiny, but I feel like he's very sensitive even though he tries to seem like the cheerful maknae. Just my interpretation!
> 
> Thanks for reading. Part 2 is coming soon~


	2. Snow Falls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized my seasonal timing of this story is a little off, but hopefully it’ll help you forget the heat. Or spark a new type of heat ;)

Nothing changed the next day. When they woke up, their manager was ready to drive them back to the dorms. Apparently, a family issue had gotten the manager caught up yesterday. Once they got back, Jaeho teased them about staying out all night and returning in the same clothes as the day before. 

“Did someone finally teach you how to kiss?” he asked Yijeong, smirking playfully.

Yijeong was flustered and blushed at the memory of Kyungil’s lips against his. In contrast, Kyungil simply brushed the younger member off and went back to his room to shower and change.

“I’ve k-kissed someone before!” Yijeong defended. A lie. His only experience was Kyungil.

Jaeho studied Yijeong’s face closer once Kyungil was gone. He knew better than to pick on the younger member too much when Kyungil was there to guard him. Yijeong’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and his lips were ten times as red. Someone certainly had her way with him.

“I was just kidding, but it’s really true, huh? I mean, unless you stopped by somewhere to get your makeup done, but you have nothing on your eyes. And,” Jaeho felt down Yijeong’s torso and patted around his hips and butt, “you don’t have any lipstick in your pockets.”

“Jeez, stop touching me.” Yijeong tried to walk past.

“Wait, I want to know now,” Jaeho caught Yijeong by the arm. “Did he pick up a couple girls and hook you up with one? Did the four of you go back to a hotel and stay the night together?” Jaeho’s eyes were huge with curiosity. Yijeong was kind of jealous of those eyes. They were big and cute, even double-lidded. Maybe Kyungil would like eyes like that more. Yijeong tried to clear his mind; he shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. They were dating. There shouldn’t be any insecurity. Although, it was tough when Yijeong couldn’t just proclaim his love to everyone and therefore claim Kyungil for himself.

“Where is everyone else?”

“Oh, Sihyoung and Dokyun went to the convenience store to pick up some food and drinks. Hey, wait a second, don’t distract me!”

Yijeong had managed to get his arm free, but Jaeho kept pestering him with questions. What did the girls look like? What’s Kyungil’s type? Did he lose his virginity? What positions did he try? Did he finish early? 

When Yijeong finally made it to his studio, he shut the door in Jaeho’s face.

“Hey, hey, that’s not how you should treat your hyung. I’m older so you should respect me! Fine, if that’s how you want to be, but just let me know when you guys go out again. I want Kyungil to hook me up with someone nice.” Jaeho walked away laughing.

Resting his head on his arms, Yijeong stared at the wall where he placed the gifts he got from his fans. He loved them all, truly, and hearing the crowd yell his name always made his heart light up with joy. However, a large part of that ecstasy was being able to perform beside Kyungil. Somehow, he felt empty without him. It would break his heart when it’s Kyungil’s turn to serve in the army. He wished they could go together, but their ages were just too far apart. Yijeong dreaded their time away from each other. Kyungil completed his smile; he added the paramount puzzle piece. It could be the nicest day, shining with new possibilities, but if Kyungil wasn’t there, he just felt lonely. And that’s how he felt right then. They should have bonded last night—they certainly had the perfect opportunity—but it still felt like nothing had changed. Yijeong was painfully obvious with his feelings, and Kyungil remained a closed book, one with a lock and no key.

He opened up his laptop. Maybe he could get some work done. He started fiddling with a few chords and strung a tune together. When he played it back again, he realized that it sounded sad, forlorn. He shut his laptop screen. This wasn’t helping.

Maybe he could just talk to Kyungil and resolve everything. That was the most obvious solution, anyway. He sat and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out the words to say. He did know that Kyungil cared for him—God, he said it so many times last night. But how would he ask if Kyungil felt _sexual_ excitement for him? 

❅❅❅

Days passed without change. They worked and practiced and worked. Same routine. There was always someone else around, and Yijeong could never find the perfect opportunity. Or he was just too anxious to really try anything. He hadn’t even found the words to say yet. 

Kyungil still came to his bed and cuddled him every night. They maintained the same level of skinship, so no one got suspicious. However, the platonic physical contact only led to increased sexual frustration.

Yijeong sat on the couch. He had already finished cleaning the studio and the bathroom. Now he was just sitting, waiting for the other guys to finish. He wanted to go to dinner already! He turned on the television and began mindlessly watching a show. He felt the couch cushions shift beneath him as someone sat down. The person took Yijeong by the shoulders and laid him down on his chest. Yijeong felt the hard muscle under him and recognized the scent immediately. 

“Kyungil-hyung?” he turned his head to face up. 

“Yeah?” Kyungil shifted his gaze down from the television to look at him.

“Uh, nothing. Just saying hi,” Yijeong quickly turned back around, flustered at their eye contact. He silently cursed to himself. How was he ever going to seduce him when these little things made his heart race?

“Did you actually clean today?” Kyungil asked teasingly. He put his hand on Yijeong’s waist.

“Yeah!” Yijeong defended himself. “I cleaned my studio and the bathroom like Sihyoung told me to.”

“Good boy. You know, everyone else is still cleaning upstairs.”

“Yeah, I figured. Are you done? You were in charge of the kitchen and—.”

Kyungil’s hand slid down Yijeong’s stomach. Yijeong ceased speaking, wondering where this was going. The hand went further south and slipped under the waistband of Yijeong’s sweatpants. Were they going to do it here in the living room?

Kyungil grabbed Yijeong inside his pants and stroked him quickly and roughly. Yijeong grabbed at the couch cushion as he struggled to keep it in, his voice and his cum. Kyungil’s ministrations just felt so _right_ that he had unraveled in seconds. It was too much. The warmth inside his pants grew. His head fell into Kyungil’s lap, and his body jerked out of his control. He felt himself simultaneously want to escape Kyungil’s grasp while begging for more. It felt so good it was terrifying.

He muffled his moans into Kyungil’s leg.

“You can let it out. I’ll turn up the TV.”

Yijeong nodded, and he heard the voices from the television grow louder. His own voice trickled out; he couldn’t stop it. The feeling of Kyungil’s hand all over him—no, the mere idea of Kyungil’s hand touching him was enough to make him lose his sanity.

“Ahh, Kyungil-hyung, I’m going to…cum.”

“So soon? You really are a fast one.”

“I haven’t…touched myself in a while!” Yijeong blushed, but he couldn’t hold it back anymore. “Wait, p-please, go get something. It’s going to make a mess. A napkin or…”

Kyungil took a couple tissues out from his pocket and positioned it at the head of Yijeong’s dick. One more stroke sent Yijeong flying over the edge. His body quivered, and his senses flooded with white. The sounds from the television faded into insignificant background noise and his vision shattered into sparks. He fell back to earth slowly. He felt like he was swaying through the air like a feather, but that was just Kyungil picking him up into his arms and cradling him against his chest. Kyungil had cleaned Yijeong’s dick and hid the tissues back into his pocket so no one would find out. 

Yijeong opened his eyes and looked up. Kyungil was looking down at him. His eyes, directed only at him, had softened. A slight smile graced his lips, made them curve up. At that comforting sight, Yijeong smiled too.

“You’re beautiful,” Kyungil whispered, just loud enough for him to hear it above the television. 

He leaned down and lifted Yijeong’s head up so their lips could meet for a kiss. It was soft and gentle, the aftermath of a storm. 

“It really has been a while. That felt so good.” Yijeong nestled deeper into Kyungil’s arms.

“You haven’t since the hotel?” Kyungil inquired.

“Yeah, it just didn’t feel as good by myself,” Yijeong stuck out his tongue cheekily.

“You’re too cute,” Kyungil admired.

“Well, I don’t really do it that often anyway. So should I uh, help you too?” Yijeong asked uncertainly, but he prayed for a “yes.”

Kyungil opened his mouth to answer just as someone banged down the stairs.

“Hey, why are you guys so loud?” Jaeho asked. “I could hear you upstairs.”

They both jumped. Yijeong’s heart almost popped out of his chest, but Kyungil quickly went for the remote. 

“Ah, sorry, didn’t notice. I guess I’m getting old.”

“That says nothing for Yijeong though.” Jaeho walked around the couch to a free spot. “Honestly, hearing the laughter made me feel like I was missing out.” Jaeho plopped down beside them. “What were you watching?”

“Just whatever was on.”

Taking the opportunity while they were both distracted, Yijeong looked down at Kyungil’s crotch. No reaction. He knew that Kyungil was pretty sizable, so if he reacted, there should definitely be some sort of bulge. Yijeong felt disheartened. Was he not sexy enough? Maybe his reactions and moans were too awkward and weird to be considered a turn-on. Kyungil had told him to let it out though. Did he just say that because he looked uncomfortable holding it in? 

“Hey, aren’t you two too close?” Jaeho asked, pointing out how they were sitting together. Kyungil was still cradling Yijeong in his arms.

“We’re always like this,” Kyungil held.

“No, but if it makes him uncomfortable, it’s fine if we don’t.” Yijeong sat back up, a trace of melancholy still stitched into his expression. He knew it wasn’t Kyungil’s fault, but he didn’t really want to be touched by him right then. It hurt that he reacted more than him.

Sihyoung and Dokyun walked down the stairs together.

“Finally! Time for dinner?” Yijeong asked, leaping up, resuming his cheerful nature.

“Yeah, how does the usual place sound?” Dokyun asked.

“Cheap and delicious!” Yijeong said. “I’ll go get my coat.”

He raced back up the stairs. He went into the bathroom and was surprised to see that he didn’t have any residue semen on him. Kyungil did a good job cleaning. He walked across the lit hallway to his dark room and fumbled to find his coat.

“Ah, here it is,” he said to himself and turned to leave. He started when he saw Kyungil standing in the doorway. His silhouette was a sight to behold.

“I’m ready now. You didn’t have to come all the way up here.”

“What’s wrong?” Kyungil asked, straight to the point. “You seem…disappointed.”

“What are you talking about? I love that place. The wait staff is always really nice too.”

“No, I mean, did it not feel good?”

“No! Uh, yes? Wait, I mean that it felt good! I told you that. So I’m fine. I wasn’t disappointed or anything.”

Kyungil wasn’t convinced, but he let Yijeong pass him. He watched his little figure bound down the stairs, excited for food. Just what could it be?

The five of them walked a few blocks to reach the restaurant. Snow was falling, carried sideways by the wind. The sky was already dark, a symptom of winter. Kyungil wrapped his arm around Yijeong as they walked. Once they entered the warm building filled with the wafting scents of meat and oil, they parted. Kyungil sat on one side of the booth beside Jaeho. Sihyoung, Yijeong, and Dokyun got in the other side. Dokyun ordered the usual dishes and plenty of drinks. They didn’t have any plans tomorrow morning so they had time to have a little fun tonight.

“I can’t believe Yijeong actually cleaned today,” Dokyun jabbed.

“That’s cause for celebration,” Sihyoung lifted his glass.

“Mm,” Jaeho said in agreement and drank from his petit cup of clear liquid. Once emptied, he filled the cup again from the green bottle.

“I _do_ clean!” Yijeong asserted. “Sometimes, I just get tired and take a nap. It’s you guys who decide to clean when I want to sleep.”

“Oh, right, it’s our fault,” Dokyun rolled his eyes.

“You should take care of me like a younger brother.” Yijeong was getting cocky.

“Ah, don’t act like we don’t treat you well,” Sihyoung said, slapping the back of his head.

Yijeong instantly relinquished his argument to the older member. “Alright, alright,” he said holding his head for protection.

The food arrived, gleaming in their worn dishes. The smell hit their noses and made them drool. Yijeong’s eyes sparkled at the sight. The plates were set in front of them, and they all dug in immediately. For a while no one spoke because they were too busy eating.

“But anyway, Yijeong,” Jaeho spoke with food still in his mouth, “you can’t say we don’t take care of you. We do, especially Kyungil here.” Jaeho put his arm across his shoulders. “He takes _real_ good care of you.” Jaeho started laughing to himself.

“What?” Kyungil asked him pointedly and tried to detach the laughing Jaeho from his body.

“Oh, come on,” Jaeho said with expectant eyes. He looked at the other three members’ blank faces. “You guys haven’t seen? Well, a few days ago I got thirsty in the middle of the night—”

“No one’s really surprised there,” Yijeong pointed out. The other members laughed while Jaeho tried to regain control of his story.

“ _Not_ the type of thirsty I meant. But so I opened my door and saw Kyungil walk into Yijeong’s room. It was almost midnight so I got curious, naturally, and took a peek. I pushed open the door a crack and saw Kyungil in bed with Yijeong. And Yijeong legit moaned when Kyungil held him.” Jaeho and Dokyun erupted in laughter. Sihyoung chuckled at the idea.

“I did not—!” Yijeong sputtered.

“He was just sleep-talking,” Kyungil defended.

“So you’re not denying it!” Dokyun pointed out.

Jaeho put his hand on Kyungil’s thigh. Yijeong felt uncomfortable, but he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t really. It would’ve been suspicious, and he knew Jaeho meant nothing by it. But still…why did he feel so bothered?

“You were holding Yijeong like a teddy bear to help you sleep. There’s nothing you can deny! It’s like what Yijeong keeps saying. You really could be the youngest!” 

They were laughing again, but fell silent when Kyungil stared them down.

“Ah, sorry, sorry,” Jaeho said, putting his head down. Though that was mostly to hide the smile that was still on his face.

They went back to eating and changed the subject.

“You really should start doing your own laundry, Yijeong,” Dokyun pointed out. “I really don’t enjoy going through your underwear and sweaty clothes.”

“I was really busy then,” Yijeong explained. “And I don’t sweat that much.”

“Well, you aren’t busy now, so you can start doing it again.”

“Alright, alright.”

“Or,” Jaeho added, leaning up to Kyungil’s face, “you can ask Mr. Cuddle-bear here to do it for you.”

“It was cold at night,” Kyungil tried to reason.

“Aw, I’ll keep you warm at night,” Jaeho hugged Kyungil tightly and put his head on his chest. Yijeong flinched at the sudden barrage of affection. He felt hurt again. He supposed that he wanted to be the only one who touched Kyungil like that. Yet, he knew that was an impossible wish around this crowd, especially after a few bottles of soju.

“Shut up. You’re drunk,” Kyungil retorted.

“Like I could get drunk off this,” Jaeho said and finished his glass again. How many cups was that? Eh, well it was pointless to count. He had finished eating so he put his head on Kyungil’s shoulder. “You really do have a nice body, though. Are you still working out?” He tapped Kyungil’s abdomen.

“I have to. They always want to see it during interviews.”

“Well, no kidding. Even _I_ want to see it.”

Yijeong looked down at his plate. He still had a bit left. He took his chopsticks and finished the rest mechanically. 

“I don’t know if that’s saying much,” Dokyun said. He spotted the waitress. “Check, please.”

“Hey, it is saying something. I love girls. Girls are great. They’re so smooth and soft. Men are nothing compared to that. We’re all hard and stiff. Even our anatomy is proof of that. When girls get turned on, their *** gets all wet and soft. On the other hand, our *** just—”

“That’s enough!” Kyungil stopped Jaeho just as the waitress brought the check. Jaeho was making faces at her as they split the bill. She bowed, blushing, and quickly returned to the cash register.

“So you’ve had experience?” Dokyun raised his eyebrows.

“High school was a busy time,” Jaeho winked.

The others laughed. They weren’t really that surprised. Jaeho’s nickname was Casanova, after all. They got up to leave. The bell jangled as they opened the door.

Yijeong tried to seem positive again so he joined in on the joking. “Since we’re on the topic, what was the best and worst kiss you’ve had?”

“Ooh, that’s tough.” Jaeho thought about it. “Oh! I’ll do worst first. There was this one girl—smoking hot and such a nice figure. She could’ve been a model with those looks. Pretty tall too—.”

“Taller than you?” Yijeong asked.

“Taller than you too! So, anyway, I hit her up. She seemed kind of haughty, but I thought whatever, she’s hot. I went to kiss her…and she didn't do anything. She just sat there and let me kiss her. I tried to charm her, ran my fingers through her hair, held her, but she didn’t move her mouth. I think she just expected me to do all the work?”

Yijeong laughed, even though he never had that sort of experience before. However, he could imagine how awkward that would’ve been and couldn’t help mocking Jaeho.

“Hot girls, man,” Sihyoung agreed.

“Oh, does someone have a story to share?”

“Don’t look so surprised. I’ve kissed a couple of girls in my time.”

“You sound like an old man,” Dokyun pointed out.

“But with those lips, I’m really not surprised.” Jaeho wiggled his eyebrows.

“Jaeho, behave,” Kyungil scolded. “We’re in public.”

“Alright, I’ll calm down. But Sihyoung has to share.”

“Well, her boyfriend had just broken up with her, so she called me out and made me go drinking with her. I figured I would watch out for her and make sure that she made it home safe. But then we got to the bar and she ordered two soju bombs. I said I wasn’t planning on drinking that night so she drank both of them. She got absolutely wasted. She threw up in the bathroom, came back out, and tried to make out with me. It was awful, tasted like bile and partially-digested dinner.” 

“Ughh!” Yijeong exclaimed. Everyone else made a disgusted face as well.

They entered the dorms, grabbed some beers from the fridge, and settled onto the couches to continue talking. Jaeho sat between Dokyun and Kyungil. Yijeong sat on Kyungil’s other side, and Sihyoung occupied the recliner.

“Then she tried to tell me about how I was always there for her and that I should take her home and comfort her, all while crying and drunk.”

“Wow, she sounds like a mess… Kyungil, your turn.” Jaeho gestured to him with his bottle.

“Uh, there’s not really much to share.” Kyungil tried to keep his face passive and avoided making eye contact with Yijeong. He took a gulp of his beer. “Why don’t you ask Dokyun?”

“No, no, I’m asking you, Leader-nim,” Jaeho asked sweetly, mimicking Yijeong. “Best and worst kiss?”

Kyungil lounged back and sighed. “Fine, but I don’t really know how to answer that. I’ve only kissed two people, and they were both good.”

“But who was better?”

Yijeong stopped moving. Kyungil could feel the tension beside him.

“Probably, uh…the first,” Kyungil said hesitantly. “I was looking forward to it since it was my first time and everything. But it was probably my worst performance.”

“Even the great leader has faults,” Jaeho said, “but you were probably breathtaking to her.”

“I ended up with lip gloss on me all day. All my friends knew immediately. They called me Fairy Lips for the rest of the year.”

They all burst out laughing. Yijeong tried to crack a smile to join the mood, but his heart wasn’t in it.

“Was she wearing that pink and sparkly shit?” Jaeho asked with tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s the one. I can’t believe that was a trend back then.”

Jaeho was still laughing while rolling on Dokyun’s lap. He couldn’t break the image of the manly Kyungil with pink sparkly lips.

“Ack! Jaeho, your elbow!” Dokyun yelled when Jaeho accidentally dug into his leg.

“Sorry, hyung. But oh, man, that’s great,” Jaeho said after recovering. “Ah, Yijeong, you’ve been oddly quiet. No input?”

Yijeong looked up with bewildered eyes, startled.

“Didn’t you say that you’ve kissed someone before?” Jaeho pressed.

“Yeah, it was fine. Normal, I guess.”

“Normal? A first kiss isn’t anything _normal_. It is the epithet of the high school experience.”

“Don’t you mean the _epitome_?” Dokyun corrected.

“Yeah, whatever.” Jaeho shrugged off the embarrassment.

“Aren’t you getting too excited, Jaeho?” Kyungil asked.

“No, no, it’s fine. Yijeong?”

Yijeong struggled for an excuse. He couldn’t very well tell them that his first kiss was a man. And he certainly couldn’t reveal that it was the best moment of his life in front of Kyungil—not when he had said that he was only second tier to some glittery high school girl.

“Aww, were you lying so you won’t be left out?” Jaeho took Yijeong’s hand over Kyungil’s lap and held it gently. “Don’t worry,” he said with mock sincerity, “we will always look out for our youngest. If a hot girl comes along, you’ll get first dibs.”

Yijeong tsk’ed and yanked his hand away. Why would he want some girl? Kyungil may, but he didn’t.

“I’m going to my room,” he said hollowly and went up the stairs.

“Oh, shit is he crying?” Jaeho asked, actually concerned this time. “I didn’t mean to…”

They heard a door slam upstairs. 

“Great, Jaeho,” Sihyoung sighed.

“I’ll go check up on him,” Dokyun offered. “You probably hurt his pride.”

“No, I’ll go,” Kyungil said, sensing that it was more his fault than Jaeho’s. He set his half-finished beer on the coffee table and stood with a sigh. He went upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soju bombs usually consist of 1 shot of soju and 1 shot of coke in a large glass of beer.


	3. Keep Me Warm

Kyungil stood in front of Yijeong’s room. He tentatively knocked on the door. He was unexpectedly nervous. What was he going to say? He probably should have changed his answer about the kiss, but he wanted to be honest.

“Who is it?” he heard a muffled voice from inside the room ask.

“Kyungil.”

“Then go away.”

“I can’t do that. I’m coming in.” 

Kyungil opened the door. For once, he was thankful that these doors didn’t have locks on them. The room was pitch black. The curtains were drawn and the lights were off. He fumbled for a light switch.

“Don’t turn on the lights.”

He stopped searching and resignedly closed the door behind him. He stumbled in the dark to Yijeong’s bed. He already knew the path fairly well in the dark, but he could never be sure if there was some new obstacle in his path. Yijeong often left piles of clothes or books scattered everywhere, even right after they had cleaned.

Kyungil sat on the end of the bed. He put his hand on Yijeong’s ankle, the closest part to him. Yijeong’s skin felt cold. He should really be under the covers.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungil asked.

“Now I get why women think that men are the most oblivious creatures in the world.” Yijeong’s face was buried in his pillows. That explains the muffled voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m acting like a girl, but I can’t even beat the one from your past.”

“Are you upset about what I said earlier?”

“No shit.”

So his feeling was right. “Well, I couldn’t really lie…”

“See? Exactly my point. She’s better than me. I get it!”

“Then do you want me to lie to you so that you feel better?”

“No! I don’t want you to lie to me! If you would rather be with a girl, then go fucking get one!” Yijeong had dropped the respectful speech. He was glad to let out his frustration, but, at the same time, he was scared. He didn’t really want Kyungil to leave him. What was he going to do if he actually did get a girlfriend? He squeezed his eyes shut, and a tear trickled out. It dampened the pillow.

Meanwhile, Kyungil sighed. He shouldn’t be getting angry with Yijeong. That just made the younger male more upset. He rubbed Yijeong’s calf as an apology.

His voice softened. “Then what would you want me to do? How can I make it up to you?”

“I want you to tell the truth…but I don’t know. I just wish I were better than her. I guess that’s mean—pointless too—but I get this…weird feeling in my chest and it hurts.” It hurt like he was being suffocated; it was as if someone was sitting on his chest, looking down at him and laughing. The air was forced out of his lungs, and he fumed with angry indignity. It was a feeling that tingled across his skin, made his hair stand on end.

“You’re jealous.”

“Maybe,” Yijeong admitted gruffly.

“If it makes you feel better, she was only better because she had previous experience. She was with another guy for a year before me. I don’t know how many times they’ve kissed, but it made me feel like shit every time I thought about it—.”

“Then how the hell do you think I feel right now? I don’t even want to picture you and some girl—” His voice broke. He felt like he was on the edge of sobbing, and he didn’t want his voice to expose his weakness.

“Nine times.”

“Huh?” Yijeong wiped his eyes swiftly against the pillow and turned to face Kyungil. The bed springs creaked in the otherwise silent room. Kyungil was sitting so far away. It was as if there were leagues between them.

“I kissed her nine times.”

“Why do you remember that?”

“I’ve kissed you thirty-six times.”

Yijeong didn’t know what to say. What kind of memory did that man have?

“Well, give or take,” Kyungil admitted. “Sometimes I get so lost in the moment that I forgot to count.”

“Am I a better kisser than her now?”

“You learn quickly.” Kyungil took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly. “We both did. We learned how to be compatible. Now you’re the best I ever had. Listen, Jang Yijeong, I’m glad that I could be your first. It’s like you waited all this time just for me.”

“But I can’t believe that I’m 23 years old, and I’ve never had any experience with a girl!” He turned his head back into the pillow. Now he just felt humiliated. So what? First time or whatever, that just meant that he didn’t have as much practice. He wasn’t as good. He was always going to be lesser.

“Then do you want to?” Kyungil’s tone lowered. He was serious.

Yijeong froze. 

“What?” he asked timidly. He was scared to look at Kyungil’s face. What would he see? Disgust? Anger? Contempt? Or worse, indifference?

Kyungil spelled it out: “Do you want to experience another person before you decide to stay with me?” 

“I—”

“No, actually think about it. I want you for the rest of my life. If you say no, that’s it. You won’t get another chance to kiss other people, be with them intimately. You’ll never know what it’s like to be in a girl’s—.”

“Stop it!” Yijeong glared at him with teary eyes. He was glad the room was dark. “I don’t want it!”

“Are you sure?”

“I only want you! Don’t say stuff like that!”

Kyungil sighed. “Oh thank god. I didn’t know what I was going to do if you said yes.”

Yijeong reached forward to put a hand on Kyungil’s leg. “I wouldn’t. Ever.”

“I know you hate it and maybe it’s selfish of me, but that makes me really happy. I could be your first in everything. No one’s ever touched your body with the intentions that I have. No one’s ever gotten to claim you. And at the same time, you don’t want anyone to.”

“You’re just too possessive.”

“Because I want you to be mine?”

“If you still want me…” His? It made him feel like a pet, but he was content being with Kyungil in any form. 

Yijeong accidentally let out a sniffle. Shit.

“Were you actually crying earlier?” Concern marked Kyungil’s tone. He lay down in the bed beside Yijeong. He was hiding his face again.

“No!” Yijeong hid his face with his arms. “Why would I cry over you? I’m not that delicate. You don’t have to treat me like a girl.”

Kyungil stroked his hair. “I think otherwise. I think you want to be held gently and treasured.”

“I—! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re so out of character today.”

“Because I’m mad at you?”

“Still?”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll give you my all, okay? Have some faith in me. I don’t need anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. Girl, guy, it doesn’t matter anymore. The one person in the world who matters the most to me is you.”

Yijeong looked at Kyungil with puffy eyes. “Jaeho was right. You really are good at leaving people breathless.” 

Their eyes had adjusted to the hallway light that crawled through under the door. Kyungil noticed the typical side effects of crying on Yijeong’s face. He pulled Yijeong closer to him. Their noses brushed against each other. “Don’t mention the name of another man when you are in bed with me.” 

“O-okay, sorry.” He really was possessive. Yijeong bit his lip. Kyungil tilted his head and leaned forward. Their lips met in an electrifying moment. It was exciting to belong to him, to be wanted like that, but… “But you let Jaeho touch you all over today.”

“He was sitting next to me. I didn’t really have a choice. You’re the one who chose to sit on the opposite side.”

“It was just the seating arrangement that made the most sense at the time!”

“And you touch other guys all the time.”

“It’s just my nature! I’ve always been like that.”

“I know, I know.”

“I still touch you the most,” Yijeong insisted adamantly.

“Yeah,” Kyungil gave him a kiss to show that he understood. “I kind of missed you tonight. You’re usually so open with your feelings, but you’ve been quiet lately. I thought I did something wrong.”

“Well…I guess it’s not really your fault…but something was bothering me.”

“What is it?”

“Uh, do you…not like my moaning? I can try to shut myself up if you want.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve never gotten hard because of me. I figured because I keep moaning, you must not like—”

“Is that a question or a statement? Because you’re wrong.”

“I am not!” Yijeong said indignantly. “Okay, when?”

“Well, for example,” Kyungil took Yijeong’s hand, “right now.” Yijeong’s fingers brushed against the front of Kyungil’s trousers. He felt something stiff sticking towards him. Amazed, his fingers kept exploring. 

“Oh my god,” he whispered, relishing the contours of Kyungil’s dick at half-mast. It curved against the fabric, struggling against its restraints.

“Just imagining how defenseless you are in this bed right now got me like this.”

“Wait, shit, don’t distract me like that,” Yijeong whined. He was starting to get hard himself now too. He felt his body temperature rise with his libido, but his hand did not leave Kyungil’s crotch. “I meant at the hotel and then in the living room today you weren’t hard.”

“Well, for what happened at the hotel… I really wasn’t used to tasting semen. I love you, but it’s really not that pleasant to the tongue.”

“I said that you didn’t have to swallow!”

“That’s fine. It’s easier cleanup, and I won’t have to keep it in my mouth as long that way.”

“And today?” Yijeong interrogated.

“I was plenty hard until Jaeho scared the shit out of me.”

“Oh…that makes sense.” Yijeong looked down. He felt so dumb now. Kyungil had never expressed interest in guys before. The fact that he was hard right now was enough of an achievement. Yijeong knew he should be happy at that.

“Yijeong, I understand that you get jealous or self-conscious since it’s human nature, but you really have to reason to be. I’ve always gotten hard thinking about you. You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined you while jerking off.”

Yijeong blushed. He couldn’t help picturing it… Kyungil at his weakest moment, doing what every hormonal male does: eyes closed, panting, imagining some wickedly impure scene in his head, touching himself…

“Then why didn’t you continue at the hotel? I would have let you even without any uh…supplies.”

“I didn’t want to rush you.” Kyungil brushed a lock of hair out of Yijeong’s eyes. “You seemed very willing, but I wanted to give you some time to really think about it, if you really wanted me to be your first. It’s not something that I want you to just throw away. I care about you too much, and I guess I’m a little self-conscious too.”

“Why do you have to be so damn charming?” Yijeong kissed Kyungil back. Their lips played together for a while before parting. Yijeong took a deep breath. “Either way, I’m ready now.”

“But we still don’t have any—”

Yijeong turned away, suddenly embarrassed, and pointed to his nightstand. “First drawer.”

Confused, Kyungil turned on the lamp and opened the drawer. The lamplight blinded both of them for a moment.

“It’s in the red box,” Yijeong said, shielding his eyes as they adjusted.

He opened the box and saw a smaller box of condoms and a bottle of lube. Both containers were still sealed. It was like Yijeong: unused and pure. And Kyungil was going to open him up.

“You said that was necessary so I went out and bought some. Don’t worry; I wore a surgical mask and went to a shop that was really out of the way.” Yijeong had his hands over his face. He felt mortified. Why had he even done that? It just made him seem too eager.

Kyungil grabbed Yijeong’s wrist and pinned it to the pillow so he could have access to his mouth. “You’re just too cute,” he said and kissed him. It was alarmingly passionate. Yijeong had to fight to keep up.

When Kyungil pulled away, Yijeong practically followed him off the bed. He wanted more!

“Not so fast,” Kyungil warned. “I need to prep you, but…” He tenderly rubbed the pad of his thumb over Yijeong’s eyes. They were bloodshot and his nose was rufescent. “I really did make you cry.” He glanced at the wet patches on the pillow with a regretful expression.

“I just got a little jealous.”

“But I feel like a failure of a boyfriend. No one should ever cause you to cry, especially not me.”

“Then make it up to me.” Yijeong held Kyungil’s hand and led it down to his crotch. Kyungil grabbed the thickened organ that was pressing up against the fabric of Yijeong’s sweatpants, pleading to be released. Yijeong took Kyungil by the nape of his neck and brought him down to his lips. His hands went down and tugged at the end of Kyungil’s shirt. 

“Strip,” Yijeong whispered. Kyungil sat back to take his shirt off. Yijeong watched how his muscles were liberated. It was like an art. 

“Don’t just watch me,” Kyungil smirked. He helped Yijeong undress, teasingly letting his cold fingers brush against Yijeong’s hot skin. Yijeong shivered against his touch. Kyungil swiftly pulled off Yijeong’s pants with his underwear. His eyes were drawn to Yijeong’s dick. It was so swollen and pink…but he had another job. He dripped some lube on his fingers and rubbed it against Yijeong’s entrance. The feeling made Yijeong instinctively recoil. He had been practicing a little in the shower, but the sensation was still so alien.

“Are you okay?” Kyungil asked worriedly.

“Y-yeah, it’s just a weird feeling. Your fingers are cold.” He saw Kyungil’s hesitation. “Keep going. I’ll be fine.”

Kyungil started pressing the finger in. Yijeong tensed but then remembered something he had read about anal sex. He calmed his breathing and tried to relax his lower half.

“How do you know how to do this?” Yijeong asked. He was worried for the answer, but he wanted to know. Kyungil’s girlfriend hadn’t wanted to try anal sex, had she?

“Lots of gay porn,” Kyungil winced. “Not my proudest moment, but I heard it wasn’t an easy task on the receiver. You?”

Yijeong smiled half-heartedly. “Same here.” He recalled those horny nights when he had some alone time with his phone. He would sneak off to the bathroom, claiming to shower. Plugging his earphones in, he would sit on the toilet and look up some random porn. Touching himself while holding in his voice, he would imagine Kyungil doing to him what the actors on screen were doing to each other. Now it finally became reality.

“I have an entire finger in you,” Kyungil murmured in awe, bringing him back to the present. Yijeong lost focus and immediately tensed again. Squeezing down on Kyungil’s finger hurt like a bitch. He couldn’t even imagine taking Kyungil’s whole length. It seemed impossible.

Then Kyungil curved his finger up. 

Yijeong cried out instantly as if Kyungil had pushed a button on a toy. A tingling sensation flooded his lower half. “I don’t know what that was,” Yijeong breathed, “but it was amazing.”

“I’m pretty sure it was your prostate by that reaction.”

“Ah…that.” Yijeong remembered reading about that as well. He didn’t know that it would feel so damn good though. His head felt fuzzy, and it wasn’t the alcohol. That long talk had sobered him up.

Kyungil slid his finger out, poured more lube on, and plunged back in. He didn’t hit Yijeong’s prostate at every insertion, purposefully missing to keep him on edge. He didn’t want Yijeong to cum too soon because it would wear him out before Kyungil could really have fun with him. 

Slowly, Yijeong was being stretched out. Kyungil added more lube and a second finger. Yijeong moaned with pleasure at the feeling. Wait… Pleasure? He couldn’t believe that he was starting to feel something beyond the pain.

“Please…more?” Yijeong begged.

“Not until you’re ready.”

Yijeong moaned impatiently. Kyungil put in a third finger. Yijeong almost yelled, but Kyungil quickly put his free hand over Yijeong’s mouth.

“They’ll hear us downstairs. You have to be quiet.”

Yijeong nodded obediently, and Kyungil removed his hand from his mouth. Kyungil slid his three fingers in and out. He leaned down and wrapped his mouth over the head of Yijeong’s cock. He swirled his tongue around and under the foreskin. Yijeong had to grab a pillow to muffle himself.

“Good boy…” Kyungil praised. “I’m sorry I have to mute you like this. I’d love to actually hear you moan for me. Maybe we’ll have to go back to that hotel some day.”

Yijeong blushed at the thought, but the pillow thankfully blocked it. “I’d like that,” he said bashfully.

Kyungil grinned. It made his face glow. _He’s like the sun_ , Yijeong thought, drunk off pleasure. 

Kyungil sucked on the head of Yijeong’s cock like a lollipop and swirled his tongue around the tip. He let the rest of his length slide down into his mouth and bobbed up and down before releasing Yijeong from his mouth with a pop. He glanced up at Yijeong and found him gazing back at him with lowered lids. 

“I really can’t take it anymore. Are you okay if I put it in now?” Kyungil asked. Concern and lust were interlaced into his features. Yijeong nodded and licked his lips in anticipation. Kyungil really looked so hot like that.

Kyungil rolled on a condom and applied more lube. He aimed his dick at Yijeong’s entrance. He pushed in slowly. Yijeong’s body tried to resist the foreign intruder, but Kyungil petted his hair and gently kissed him, calming him down and persuading his body to relax. He continued forward until his pelvis hit Yijeong’s ass.

“Ah,” he said breathily, “It’s all in.”

Yijeong didn’t answer, but his face was contorted. 

“Yijeong? What’s wrong?” The younger still didn’t respond. “Are you okay? Should I take it out?”

Yijeong put a hand on Kyungil’s arm to stop his panicking. He shook his head. “No,” Yijeong choked out. “Don’t take it out, hyung… I just feel like…I’m going to cum at any second.”

Kyungil’s world turned rosy. It was fine. Yijeong was okay. In fact, it looked like he loved it.

“I love you,” Kyungil whispered and kissed him. 

He was really inside him! Yijeong’s deepest treasure was wrapped around him, squeezing him, inviting him in. It was so warm and soft inside. It felt like he was drowning in honey. Kyungil pulled out—though he really didn’t want to—and thrust back in. The bed creaked under them. He held Yijeong in his arms as he rocked back and forth. Yijeong was trembling. He could feel him quiver every time he hit that special spot. He grinned at the thought. He was in control of Yijeong’s pleasure. He was the one who made him experience ecstasy. 

Yijeong put his arms around Kyungil’s shoulders and wrapped his legs around his back, forcing him closer. He studied Kyungil’s face as he loomed over him. Yijeong didn’t like this. Unwrapping his legs, he pushed up off the bed until he was sitting in Kyungil’s lap, his dick still inside him.

“That’s better,” Yijeong said and kissed Kyungil’s confused face. He put his hands on Kyungil’s shoulders and used his leg muscles to bounce up and down on Kyungil’s dick. The bed creaked less, and Yijeong felt more in control. Kyungil was able to slide further into Yijeong this way so he didn’t really mind the power play. Yijeong was starting to moan again. He could hear how loud the TV was downstairs so they were probably safe for now. Might as well take advantage of it.

Kyungil held Yijeong’s back with one hand and used the other to grab his cock. He held his hand in a tight circle and let Yijeong thrust into his hand and then back onto his dick. Yijeong’s eyes widened at the feeling. It was amazing! His legs started to wobble, and riding became more difficult. Kyungil began thrusting up to meet Yijeong’s ass as he went down. The increased force unraveled Yijeong. He fell backwards into Kyungil’s supporting hand. The older male gently laid him back on the bed and resumed their first position. He slammed into him. The bed crashed into the wall repeatedly, matching their actions. 

Kyungil continued to stroke Yijeong. His back arched towards the pleasure from Kyungil’s hand. His head sunk into the pillows, muffling reality. He relished the sensation of Kyungil relentlessly pounding into him and the hand adoring his cock. He heard panting by his ear then felt lips against his neck. 

“Shit, you feel so good. You’re going to make me cum too fast,” Kyungil cursed.

“Mm, me too. Wait—ah!” 

Kyungil went in harder with desperate speed. Yijeong collided into the headboard, but he didn’t care. He grabbed his own dick and jerked the last few strokes that he needed. He hit the peak and cried out. His fingers clenched the sheets as his whole body shook. He tightened, painfully, around Kyungil. That was enough to pause Kyungil’s orgasm as Yijeong ejaculated over his own chest. Yet, he looked so beautiful and delectable. Kyungil captured his face to memory; this was a lifetime’s worth of jerkoff material. 

After the pinnacle was the leisurely roll back down the hill. Yijeong looked so peaceful sinking back into the pillows, unaware of the mess he had made. A slight smile played on his lips, and his hair was ruffled. But Kyungil wasn’t done yet.

“Sorry,” he muttered and resumed his actions. Seeing Yijeong look so pure made him feel like a criminal for soiling him. The apology slipped out before he realized it.

After just cumming, Yijeong’s nerves were taut. A whole new level of sensitivity now accompanied the thrusting. He squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed a pillow to cover his mouth. He was already feeling it again, and Kyungil hadn’t even touched his dick yet! It was scary, this sensation. His control was being overridden by Kyungil. He almost wanted to tell him to stop or at least slow down, but a part of him really wanted it.

Kyungil kept hitting Yijeong’s prostate as he wildly tried to reach his climax. Yijeong was tightening around him at regular intervals again. Was he going to cum a second time? The intervals increased in frequency as Yijeong neared orgasm. Kyungil saw Yijeong’s hands snaking down to milk his dick again. He grasped his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand. 

Yijeong looked up in shock. He was knocked out of his trance.

“No,” Kyungil whispered dangerously. His thrusts slowed until Yijeong could sense every part of Kyungil’s cock as it pulled out of him. “Not yet. I want you to cum for me with just this.” Kyungil used his thumb to tease the rim of Yijeong’s entrance, gesturing the object of his focus.

Yijeong didn’t even know what to say, but the next thrust expelled all conscious thought out of his mind anyway. He surrendered himself to Kyungil. The very image of his hyung panting over him drove him crazy. The muscles in the older male’s arms and abdomen were flexed. His face was beautiful as he was engulfed in pleasure from being inside _him_. Yijeong watched Kyungil’s expressions through lust-hazed eyes. His kiss-reddened lips were slightly parted as he panted. His eyes were squeezed tight in focus. A droplet of sweat glistened slightly as it fell down his angled face. 

Kyungil’s eyes opened and caught Yijeong staring. Kyungil smirked and bent down to lick his nipples. He rolled his tongue around the small nub then sunk his teeth in. Yijeong yelped, afraid of his own sensitivity to the feeling. Kyungil became gentler, only licking and sucking them. Yijeong squirmed. Kyungil was targeting his sensitive spots, which was amazing, but his arms were still pinned above his head and he really wanted to touch his dick. It was aching with need. 

As if he had read his mind, Kyungil sighed. “Maybe it’s too early,” he said and released Yijeong’s hands. But instead of letting Yijeong jerk himself, Kyungil used his now-free hand to stroke Yijeong. The much-longed-for touch on his member made almost Yijeong crumble. 

“Wait, wait.” Yijeong put his hand against Kyungil’s chest, signaling him to stop. “I want to ride again.”

“Someone’s aggressive today.”

“Well, I can’t let you do everything, hyung.” Honestly, he was humiliated that he had been dominated so easily last time. Now that he had cum once, he shouldn’t succumb to the pleasure as easily…

They rolled over, switching positions. Yijeong sat on top of Kyungil, who was lying where Yijeong was just a moment ago. Yijeong wiggled his butt and relished how Kyungil moved inside of him, but he knew he had to do more. He was on his knees and moved up and down on Kyungil. He put his hands on Kyungil’s chest to support himself. He liked the way Kyungil was looking up at him. His hair was disheveled against the pillow, and his eyes were darkened with desire. 

Kyungil squeezed Yijeong’s nipples with his fingertips, and Yijeong promptly squealed. He covered his mouth when he realized the sound he had made. 

“You don’t have to hide. It was cute,” Kyungil said, moving Yijeong’s hand away from his face.

“It's still…embarrassing,” Yijeong complained, sliding back down onto Kyungil. “Ahh, mm…”

“You look like you’re enjoying it.”

“I could say the same. You’re so hard inside of me.”

“Well, of course I’m enjoying this. The love of my life is moaning on top of me with my cock up his ass.”

“Oh? Who’s that?” Yijeong asked, feigning ignorance.

“Hm, I wonder.” Kyungil grabbed Yijeong’s ass and slammed up into him. Yijeong cried out and fell against Kyungil’s chest. 

“Fuck, it feels so good, Kyungil-hyung,” Yijeong begged. “Please…please, keep going.”

Kyungil held Yijeong’s ass up and thrust into him ruthlessly. Yijeong could feel the head of his dick rub against Kyungil’s abdomen with every motion.

“I don’t understand how you make me go so crazy,” Kyungil muttered. Yijeong could feel the reverberation of Kyungil’s voice from his chest and the heat rising from his skin.

“Because I’m crazy sexy,” Yijeong joked.

Kyungil slapped his ass. “You are,” he growled.

“Nn…” He couldn’t believe how easily Kyungil said those things. He was just joking. How could he call someone like himself sexy? He didn’t have Dokyun’s big eyes, Jaeho’s smile, or Sihyoung’s height. But that is the female standard of beauty for men. What did Kyungil want from him? What did he find attractive about him?

“Your mind’s wandering.” Kyungil’s words brought him back to the present. “Does it not feel good?”

“No, no, it does.”

“You’re getting soft,” Kyungil noted, trying to rub life back into Yijeong’s dick.

“Sorry, I’m probably just tired from cumming earlier.”

“You were ready to go again just a moment ago.” Kyungil tentatively pushed in again. Yijeong shuddered at the gentle force. 

“Yeah, I just…started thinking, I guess.”

“About what?” Kyungil petted Yijeong’s head as he continued his movements. He rocked Yijeong back and forth like the night tide under a waxing moon, slow and relaxed. 

“I keep thinking like…why me?”

“Why I want you?”

Yijeong nodded.

“Luck? Fate? Chance?” Kyungil considered. “I don’t know. It just felt right, more right than anything in my entire life. Seeing you for the first time when we were trainees,” he pushed in, “and watching you laugh for the first time,” he pulled out, “it all made my heart pound. I thought there was something wrong with me,” he pushed in, “but I just _knew_ that I wanted to be with you.”

Yijeong looked aside.

“How many times do I have to say that I love _you_?” Kyungil didn’t sound angry—maybe a little dejected.

“I’m sorry I’m so insecure.” Yijeong felt tears welling in his eyes so he kept his head on Kyungil’s chest. “This is just so hard to believe, you know?”

“Yeah, I can barely believe it either. I never thought that one day I would have to go to my parents and tell them I’m in love with a man.” Kyungil held Yijeong tight against him. “But I know I’m happy, and I know that I want to stay this happy for as long as possible, for as long as you’ll let me stay by your side.”

“Okay,” Yijeong agreed softly. He sat up suddenly, revitalized and ready to go. “Okay! Now I’m going to make you cum,” he declared.

Kyungil, shocked at the sudden transformation, couldn’t help but smile. That was the Yijeong he loved seeing, the bright and playful one. He hated seeing him upset, drowning in self-doubt.

Yijeong took control. He pushed Kyungil back inside and was swept away by the sensation. Kyungil had become hard again at Yijeong’s change in mood. Yijeong already felt himself shaking. He never imagined that being _filled_ would be so wonderful. 

“You’re beautiful,” Kyungil said, looking up at him.

Yijeong opened his mouth to respond, but Kyungil was faster.

“Your eyes are lovely.”

Yijeong looked away, embarrassed.

“Your smile is adorable.”

Yijeong tried not to smile at that compliment, but failed.

“Your hair is always so soft.”

Yijeong was blushing up to his ears. He put his head down so that his hair would hide his face.

“You always feel so good in my arms.”

Kyungil reached up to bring Yijeong’s face towards his. Yijeong had to put his arm out to keep from falling onto Kyungil. They were a centimeter away from touching. Yijeong forgot to keep moving up and down, forgot to breathe.

“I love your lips,” Kyungil whispered. Yijeong could feel Kyungil’s breaths against them. Untactfully, Yijeong lunged forward and his mouth collided with Kyungil’s. Their teeth knocked against each other, but they both ignored it; other matters preoccupied them. They kissed, desperately, passionately. 

Kyungil took over thrusting again. Yijeong could feel heat radiating from Kyungil’s body. He could smell his sweat. Surprisingly, it didn’t smell bad. It was almost pleasant. 

Kyungil found Yijeong’s prostate and targeted it with impressive force. Yijeong saw sparks every time Kyungil hit it. He couldn’t even hear his own voice anymore. There wasn’t any pain or discomfort. Everything just felt so good. His mind fogged. There was only one light guiding the way, and he was running madly towards it.

Yijeong’s eyes shut and mouth opened in a gasp. He moaned loudly as the first spurt ejected out onto Kyungil. Electricity burst through his body and sent tremors all over his skin. But Kyungil was still going, not granting Yijeong any time to recover. Yijeong’s moans transformed into shuddering whimpers as the touches continued. He opened his eyes slowly, just in time to see Kyungil reach his orgasm as well. Kyungil grunted and kissed Yijeong as he came. Yijeong felt his dick twitch inside of him with each spurt.

Kyungil’s thrusts stopped, but he still didn’t want to leave the warmth inside Yijeong. He wanted to stay buried inside of him forever. He watched the younger’s face, noticed an unruly lock of hair, and brushed it out of Yijeong’s eyes. It was the same thing he did before they had sex, before they…consummated their love. Regardless, it showed his attention to detail, his caring nature. 

Neither said anything for a moment. They were floating in bliss. Suddenly, they heard a burst of laughter from downstairs, shocking them out of their reverie. That moment led them to realize what had just happened. They began laughing themselves. Kyungil rolled over, his deflated penis slipping out. He took the condom off and tied it before tossing it into the trash bin. He took a few tissues to wipe the cum off of Yijeong’s chest and the lube from his ass. Yijeong likewise cleaned Kyungil. Then, lying back down, Kyungil cuddled the younger member into his arms. 

“Was it okay?” Kyungil asked self-consciously. “Did it feel good?”

“Of course it did. You made me cum twice.”

“It didn’t hurt or anything?”

“It…felt weird at first, but I mean, you were putting your big thing up my butt…” Yijeong buried his face into Kyungil’s chest. He tried to say it in the least embarrassing way possible, but it was still humiliating to say aloud. “I’m going to turn into a girl,” he pouted.

“Why’s that?”

“You kept playing with my nipples… And you made me cum just from my ass!”

“Wait, actually?”

“Yeah! I didn’t touch myself at all the second time. It’s all your fault!”

“It’s my fault?”

“Yes!”

“Well, I think you’re still very manly. A girl wouldn’t have this thing in between her legs,” Kyungil grabbed Yijeong.

“Nngh!” Yijeong moaned. “Ah, don’t do that without warning. I just came!”

Kyungil smiled. “No promises.”

Yijeong looked up with an expression of surprise, horror, and maybe a little excitement. Kyungil took the opportunity to kiss him softly. He didn’t want to say anything, but Yijeong did have a more feminine air around him now. His skin was glowing and his lips were cherry red. Kyungil didn’t really care either way; no matter what, Yijeong would always be cute in the sexiest way.

Yijeong broke the kiss. “You’re still concerned with other people finding out that you are in love with a guy though, aren’t you?” he asked.

“For now…yes,” Kyungil said hesitantly, “but I’ll get over it. Just give me some time, please. One day, I’ll be able to and we can come out together. Just…please wait for me,” Kyungil put his head down, as if begging. 

Yijeong couldn’t bear seeing the older member, the man he respected, ask him for something like that. He lifted Kyungil’s head back up. Nodding earnestly, he kissed him again.

“Do you still feel insecure?” Kyungil asked.

“I might. Too sleepy to tell right now…but I’ll fix that. We both just need to work on our,” Yijeong yawned and snuggled in close, “confidence…I think.”

Yijeong fell asleep out of exhaustion. He was snuggled deeply in Kyungil’s arms. 

“You really worked hard today,” Kyungil praised him. He gave Yijeong a good night kiss on his forehead and went to turn off the lamp. When he moved away slightly, Yijeong’s arms tightened around him out of instinct. Kyungil smiled, feeling the burden of the day lift from his chest. He wouldn’t trade him for anyone in the world.


	4. Spring

The sun shone brightly. It wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. It was the perfect weather—for those without allergies. Grass sprouted diligently in lawns, and flowers opened their petals toward the sunlight. There were more people milling around outside, walking aimlessly simply to enjoy the fresh air. The snow disappeared. It wasn’t quite spring yet, but the season was supposed to arrive early this year.

Indoors was another story. Yijeong pulled his small suitcase along behind him as he wove his way through the crowd of people at the station. The train ride was awful. The oppressive heat of bodies packed tightly together was suffocating, and the air conditioning hardly helped. He should have known better than to travel during rush hour, but he had to hurry back to make it for the schedule tomorrow.

The group had gotten the weekend off to go home and visit their families. It was a nice break in the middle of planning for a comeback. Yijeong was especially busy composing songs for a new album. He was grateful he had Kyungil there to support him, but seeing his family gave him that extra push. Though it was supposed to be a vacation, he managed to finish writing the lyrics for the final song while at home. 

Compared to the blazing confidence exuded from Queen, it was a more somber song. It was a song about the ache of separation and the yearning for reunion. He was proud of the song. It was vastly more mature than the impulsive burst of emotion from Might Just Die, even though he had Kyungil in mind when he wrote both songs. 

Exiting the station was a relief. The sun warmed his skin as the wind cooled the heat. Yijeong waited in the taxi line, eager to get back to the dorms and share his new song. The attendant gestured to an available car, and he walked over. He put the suitcase in the trunk and got into the car. After giving the driver the address, he settled back into the seat. 

He missed Kyungil. It had only been three days, but he still felt lonely. He was used to seeing Kyungil everyday. Instead, everyday he could only imagine curling up in Kyungil’s arms, breathing in his scent and immersing in his warmth.

It had also been a few days since he lost his virginity. Initially upset at the fact that they wouldn’t be able to bathe in the aftermath for long, he wasn’t exactly excited about the impromptu vacation. At the same time, though, he missed his family, so he couldn’t really say no.

When the taxi pulled onto the street the apartment was on, Yijeong told the driver to let him off. He paid the fare and got out. He wanted to take some time to enjoy the fresh air. His suitcase rumbled behind him over the sidewalk. The street was narrow, and there wasn’t much greenery. However, the breeze still felt nice on his exposed skin. 

“Yijeong?” 

The source of the voice was up ahead. Looking up, Yijeong noticed a tall figure in front of the door to the apartment. A smile broke over his face before he could stop it. He tried to stop it—he felt ridiculous grinning in the middle of the street—but he couldn’t. There was some unknown force pulling at his cheeks and making his heart race. 

“Kyungil!” he yelled back happily. He scampered forward the best he could, pulling his little suitcase behind him. 

Kyungil ran down the steps and pulled Yijeong into a hug. He held him tight but it just wasn’t enough. There was too much fabric distancing them. Time froze for a moment—or they just stopped moving, too enraptured in each other to want to separate. Kyungil was the one to pull back first. He lightly touched Yijeong’s cheek as if making sure he was real. He was smiling like crazy too. They both started to laugh when they realized how silly they must look.

“I missed you,” Kyungil said, still holding Yijeong’s face in his hands.

“I missed you too, hyung. Did you just get back?”

“I got back an hour ago. The others asked me to pick up dinner.”

“Should I go with you?” Yijeong bounced up and down. Obviously, he wanted to hear a yes.

Kyungil wanted to say yes as well—impulse told him to—but he had to be more responsible than that. He couldn’t just mindlessly follow his emotions all the time. “First, you should put your things away.”

Yijeong pouted. “But I want to be with you.”

“We’ll just go back to the rooms and drop off your luggage. How’s that?”

“Alright,” he conceded, “but I’ll need some motivation.”

He smirked, and Kyungil knew what he was getting at. “We’re in public.”

“Please?”

Kyungil gave in. He leaned down as Yijeong tilted his head up. He held the nape of Yijeong’s neck. They closed their eyes instinctively. It was all natural now. Their lips locked, and they kissed slowly. Neither wanted to part so they remained conjoined, simply enjoying feeling the shape of each other’s lips again. 

For a while, Yijeong’s heart didn’t pound frantically every time they touched. The sensation was still amazing, but he just didn’t feel like he was going to die of heart failure anymore. Yet, this time, Yijeong’s heart began to quicken again. His breaths were shortened, and he found himself panting after a comparatively mundane kiss. In his mind, he kept replaying their last night together, and he yearned for it. He wanted to be taken again. He wanted to be Kyungil’s.

“Whoa!” a familiar voice shouted from behind them.

Kyungil and Yijeong instantly broke apart. Yijeong’s heart raced for a whole other reason. He was almost too scared to look up, to see who had seen them. Instead, he glanced at Kyungil whose face was completely blank. However, looking closer, he noticed the spark of fear in his eyes. 

Personally, he didn’t mind coming out. His parents had already known he was dating a guy, and he promised to introduce them later. However, Kyungil didn’t seem to want that. He wished he could reach out to the older member and ask him what they should do in this situation. Should they say it was just a dare? But from whom? They pushed each other away so fast that they weren’t even touching anymore. Yijeong felt like he was panicking more than Kyungil. This was the moment he most wanted to be reassured by the elder.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to ruin the moment,” another voice said. “Come on, let’s go back in.”

Yijeong started. There were more people? He cautioned a glance up. Jaeho was standing at the bottom of the steps. He must have been the one who yelled. Dokyun was standing behind him, slightly dumbfounded. Sihyoung was at the top of steps, trying to drag everyone back inside.

“We’ll talk about this when I get back. Yijeong go put your suitcase away. I’ll go get the food.” Kyungil walked off without sparing a look back.

Yijeong was left alone. Kyungil really was mad, and it was all his fault for suggesting they kiss in public. The younger’s shoulders slumped. How was he going to face him when he got back? He felt himself growing sad again—ack! Stop it! He scolded himself. It’s best to remain optimistic for now. 

The other members apologized when Yijeong arrived at the steps. They didn’t mean any harm. They didn’t expect Kyungil to react like that. Yijeong simply smiled and said it was okay. He passed them and carried his suitcase upstairs. He unpacked. 

Clothes went in the laundry basket and toiletries in the bathroom. He only had the essentials for three days so it was an easy task. Finished, he considered taking a shower when he heard the front door open and plastic bags rustling. He hesitated. Maybe it was better to stay upstairs and then sneak downstairs later to eat. Before he could make up his mind, his door opened. Kyungil stumbled in and latched onto him. They both fell back onto Yijeong’s bed.

“Hey, wait! I’m dirty. I haven’t showered yet.”

Kyungil didn’t budge. His face was buried in the crook of Yijeong’s neck. “I’m such a failure.”

“Huh? You’re not.”

“I am! I wanted to come out to the group properly when you got back, but they caught us and it ruined my entire plan,” he sulked.

“Sorr—”

“And it’s all my fault for being unable to control myself,” he continued. “I just wanted to touch you so bad that I didn’t care where we were… Also, I’m sorry for storming off suddenly. I was so angry with myself that I just ended up leaving you there even though I said that we could go together.”

“It’s okay.” Yijeong reciprocated the hug. More than anything, he was glad that he even wanted to come out in the first place. Although he was still a little peeved about being left alone to deal with the other members, he was able to forgive Kyungil’s explanation.

After simultaneously comforting each other’s insecurities, they went downstairs. Both were nevertheless still on edge with anxiety. How was the group going to take it?

Everyone else was already seated and eating.

“You started without us?” Yijeong exclaimed.

“You were taking too long,” Jaeho complained.

Yijeong huffed and took an empty seat. The other available seat was right beside him. He glanced nervously at Kyungil as he sat down.

“Don’t worry. We give you our blessings,” Sihyoung broke the tension.

“You do?” Yijeong asked with wide eyes.

“It’s so obvious that you two are into each other. The fans probably know it too,” Jaeho explained. “But I really wish you wouldn’t flaunt your relationship in front of everyone all the time.” He squeezed Yijeong’s cheek a little too hard for it to be playful.

“Sorry,” Yijeong mumbled.

“Hey, don’t be mean,” Kyungil stepped in, swatting Jaeho’s hand away.

“It’s okay, hyung,” Yijeong smiled at him with one reddened cheek.

Kyungil laughed at his adorable younger member, at his partner… Kyungil leaned toward him, taking him by surprise.

“Not at the table!” Dokyun protested as they kissed regardless.

***

“After dinner is time for dessert, right?” Kyungil asked the trembling boy beneath him. He already had two fingers inside of him. The line was so clichéd that Yijeong couldn’t help but laugh a little. But when Kyungil shoved those fingers deeper inside, his laugh faltered into a moan.

“Don’t tell me you were playing with this without me. It’s so loose.” Unreasonably, he was afraid someone else had gotten to Yijeong while he wasn’t there to keep watch.

“I—!” Yijeong paused. He was a little bristled. He was by no means loose. “I was thinking about you, and then…I got lonely.”

“So you got someone else to replace me?”

Yijeong clutched Kyungil’s wrist, stopping his ministrations. “Who the hell else would I want inside of me?”

Kyungil sensed his irritation at him. Apologetically, he took him into his free arm and held him close. It was his fault for being jealous. The time apart had grated on his nerves. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” He kissed his nose then changed the subject. “Next time, we should go on vacation together.”

“Where would we go?”

“Anywhere you like.” Kyungil spread his fingers, scissoring Yijeong open, and slid in another finger.

“Ahh…ngh!” Yijeong cried out.

“We can go on a trip by ourselves,” Kyungil continued speaking, “or we can go visit our parents together.”

“You mean it?”

“Absolutely. I think it’s about time I stop caring about what others think and just focus on what _you_ think. I’m ready to tell my mom and dad how I feel about you.”

Yijeong sat up, incidentally making Kyungil’s fingers push deeper into him. He grimaced but wrapped his arms around the elder’s shoulders, gripping him tightly. “You also need to care about what _you_ need. You can’t let your own wellbeing suffer for my sake.”

“Well, then I guess you have to be the one to take care of me.” Kyungil slipped his fingers out and lifted him onto his knees. He took his own member, all primed and ready, and aimed it at Yijeong’s entrance. He rubbed the head against the puckered skin. Yijeong squirmed and tried to sit on it, but Kyungil would move, causing his dick to miss and slide against Yijeong’s ass. He was teasing him.

“Put it in already!” Yijeong whined.

Kyungil looked at him with adamant eyes. “How badly do you want it?”

“Really badly?” Yijeong ventured timidly.

Kyungil slipped the tip in, stretching him momentarily, before taking it back out again. Yijeong shivered. “Not good enough. Come on, you lyricist.”

Yijeong closed the distance between them, nestling up with his mouth right against Kyungil’s ear. He didn’t want Kyungil to see his face when he said it. “The first night,” he whispered, “I had a dream about you. We were stranded on an island after our plane crash. No one else was there. Maybe we had snuck off somewhere, who knows. Anyway, we were by the water. You were shirtless. I was…naked. You were licking my chest, and I was holding tightly to your hair.” Yijeong ran his fingers through Kyungil’s hair. Yijeong’s breaths against his ear made his skin tingle, sensitive to the touch. “I felt down your chest, your abs, all the way to your groin…” He did just that, but then stopped. “And then I woke up.”

Kyungil almost cursed. “You suck at storytelling.”

“Then put it in!”

“No, tell me more.” Kyungil squeezed Yijeong’s ass with one hand, his fingers dug in almost painfully. Yijeong yelped a little.

“Th-the next morning, I had cum all over my underwear.” He was glad he could hide his expression.

“And?” Kyungil used his free hand to jerk himself off to Yijeong’s story, watching Yijeong’s body as he reacted to the humiliation. It wasn’t as fun to just move his hand around his own dick, but he held back to observe how Yijeong squirmed.

“But I was still hard.”

“What did you do?”

“I…” His body temperature rose; he was flushing with embarrassment.

“Say it.”

“I started playing with myself,” Yijeong admitted meekly.

“How? Front or back?”

“I was just doing the front…at first. Then I started imagining you from that dream, and I wondered what it would have led to… So I…stuck a finger in.”

“Show me.”

“Wh-what?”

“If you put on a good show, I’ll put it in. I already loosened it for you so it shouldn’t be too difficult.” Kyungil tilted Yijeong’s face up with his hand. “So show me.”

Yijeong’s cheeks were still red, and Kyungil enjoyed his shyness. It made his animalistic side flare. He was corrupting such an innocent soul by claiming him. Yijeong had a pure bunny-rabbit naivety, yet he was so willing to please him. Talking about masturbation was enough to make Yijeong blush, but Kyungil could tell that he was eager to do it for him because he asked, albeit with a little hesitation due to inexperience.

Kyungil laid Yijeong back against the pillows. He stared down at him and waited patiently, even though one part of him was erect and very impatient. Yijeong gazed at it; he studied the arch of the head, the thick vein that entwined along the underside, the heavy balls that hung below. It was beautiful, much better than the one in his dream. He wanted to touch it, but Kyungil had ordered him not to. He had to prove himself first.

Turning his head to the side, Yijeong touched his entrance with his middle finger. He bit his lip and tried to avert his attention from Kyungil staring at him. This was so embarrassing! Slowly, he pressed in, gasping at the friction. He was already getting used to the sensation. It was pleasurable almost immediately. 

After the first finger was fully in, he added a second. Once both were deeply inside, he pumped them in and out at a steady pace. The thickness of two fingers was measurably better than one; it stretched him open and allowed him to reach his prostate more easily. He curved his fingers up and moaned into the pillow. He closed his thighs out of instinct, trying to keep in the pleasure and touch his cock with his thighs, but Kyungil’s hands were on him in an instant, spreading his legs open again. His grip was strong and he pressed his thighs into the mattress. The ache of his hips and muscles being stretched made him cry out in a different way. It was from pain, certainly, but somehow it made his actions feel ten times better. The pain transformed into pleasure that shot straight to his cock. His neglected member tingled, yearning for some attention. It stood alone, singularly begging for touch. Yijeong gazed up at Kyungil with hazy, needy eyes. The words were on his lips, but Kyungil stole them with a kiss. 

Kyungil was inside of him before he realized it. They hadn’t even had time to put a condom on, both wanting it to the point that they lost all sense. Yijeong was already gasping and moaning from the larger object inside of him and the mercilessness of his speed. Kyungil had shoved his used fingers into Yijeong’s mouth, forcing him to taste himself. Yijeong gagged so Kyungil relented that act of dominance. He put those fingers into his own mouth instead, tasting Yijeong’s saliva. It made him want more. He licked them clean, loving how Yijeong stared at him. His eyes were wide, but his gaze was focused only on him. 

“That feels good,” Yijeong said blankly. He didn’t understand how Kyungil’s mouth on such a casually touched body part could feel so amazing.

“You like having your fingers sucked?”

Yijeong nodded eagerly.

“More than having this little guy sucked?” Kyungil swiped over the pink head. Yijeong tensed and shook his head, no. Kyungil laughed at how eagerly Yijeong responded. “Sorry, but I think we’ll have to make do with your fingers. I’m not so flexible that I can blow you while I fuck you.” To make his point, Kyungil thrust in suddenly. Yijeong moaned as if on cue. 

“It’d be scary anyway,” Yijeong giggled, “to see you bent over like that. You’d look like an alien.”

“What?” Kyungil pretended to be offended. “You wouldn’t love me if I was an alien?”

“Who knows? We’d have to have a talk about all this interspecies mating.”

Kyungil clicked his tongue. “Give me your damn fingers.”

Still trembling slightly from being close to climax, Yijeong brought his hand up to Kyungil’s mouth. He traced over his mouth and pressed down on his bottom lip. Kyungil let Yijeong’s fingers venture into his mouth. He wrapped his lips around them. The soft wet sensation encased each of Yijeong’s fingers one by one. When Yijeong offered his index finger again, Kyungil bit down hard. The younger’s body jerked at the pain and he retracted his finger. His finger was impressed with purple bite marks. 

“I’m just kidding. I’d still love you,” Yijeong yielded, nursing his finger.

“Really?”

“One thousand percent sure.”

Kyungil stared down at him, love in his eyes. Even more so, though, was lust. He snapped his hips in and out, but he felt like he wasn’t getting enough of Yijeong. He held the back of Yijeong’s neck and bit into the soft flesh. He began thrusting faster, eliciting a sweet sound from Yijeong’s throat. 

“Fuck, Kyungil, you’re going to leave a mark!”

“Good,” he replied simply. 

Once Kyungil was satisfied, he sucked and licked the bruise gently as an apology. Yijeong grasped at Kyungil’s head, combing his fingers through the fluffy hair. But Yijeong wanted him closer still. He used his legs to pull Kyungil’s body right against his own. His dick was squished in between their torsos. Kyungil looked up in surprise before falling back into his desire and smothering him with kisses. They fucked while clutching each other tightly, their scents mingling. 

Yijeong felt hot. They had never been this close before. He was squashed between Kyungil’s body and the mattress. Kyungil’s tongue was in his mouth, his cock up his ass, and his skin pressed onto his. This heat exuded from his entire body. Sweat beaded along every surface that touched Kyungil. The telltale pressure in his gut rose as the head of his cock became more sensitive.

“Mm, Kyungil-hyung…” Yijeong gasped.

“Yeah?” Kyungil grunted.

“I’m really close.”

“Me too,” Kyungil’s eyebrows stitched together as he tried to hold back. He bit his lip. “Let me pull out. I’m not wearing a condom.”

In response, Yijeong’s legs tightened around Kyungil’s muscular back. “No! Don’t stop, Kyungil-hyung. Don’t you dare!” His lips parted as he gasped for air, breathy moans escaping his throat. 

Without a choice, Kyungil continued to plunge into Yijeong. His interior was melting around him, becoming soft before tightening again. He could _feel_ just how close Yijeong was, and that only excited him more. He felt the tickle in his balls yearning to be released. “Wait, fuck, Yijeong. I’m really going to cum in you.”

“Do it,” Yijeong begged with his eyes but his voice was resolute. “Cum inside of me.”

“Shit,” Kyungil cursed. The desperation was surging through him like electricity. His nerves sparked before he released, ejaculating into Yijeong’s hole. The release sent pleasure hormones bounding into his system. He groaned, his face tight with ecstasy. His cock was buried deep; Yijeong could feel every twitch that Kyungil had tried to stop. The elder held his head down in shame as spurt after spurt filled Yijeong to the brim. He had finished first. 

Kyungil tried to pull out, but Yijeong still held him resolutely. He could feel Kyungil deflating slightly inside of him and a little of his cum dribbled out, but that didn’t stop his plans. Yijeong was still extremely aroused.

“Stay there,” Yijeong commanded.

Kyungil looked at the younger member, confused. “Okay.”

Yijeong reached a hand down over his body down to his crotch. He gripped himself tightly at the base then jerked his hand up over his pink flesh. His back arched with his hand. He moaned, quivering. “You wanted to see me touch myself, right?”

Kyungil gulped. He could already feel blood rushing down to his member again. The heat around his cock returned and he felt Yijeong’s walls contract around him. Yijeong pushed himself off the bed slightly as his legs tensed. He was squirming from his own hand with Kyungil’s dick still in his ass, his fluids even deeper inside. He began moaning in a way he never did when he jerked off alone. This time he had an audience, and it made every touch that much more exhilarating.

“Fuck me,” Yijeong begged softly.

Kyungil did just that. He pushed in and out at a moderate pace with his dick still fairly hard. He targeted Yijeong’s prostate each time, sending ripples of pleasure through him. 

“Kyungil-hyung, I love you,” Yijeong said. He seemed so out of it that Kyungil wasn’t sure if he was even aware of what he was saying. Not that the elder really cared; he knew that he meant every word.

Yijeong replayed Kyungil’s orgasm face over and over in his mind. He remembered exactly how his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes shut, and his lips stained red. In the present, he relished the feeling of Kyungil moving his cum around inside of him, slicking up his walls. Yijeong increased the speed of his hand to the right tempo that would get him off. Some words mindlessly flew out of his mouth before he whimpered loudly. A warm tingling feeling built up to the point of overflowing. 

His entire body coiled; his voice froze in his throat. His lips were still moving, mouthing out Kyungil’s name. Tension twisted his muscles tight. His eyes were shut as he hung on the edge, almost there but not quite. His hand flew up and down urgently, and his hips matched its actions. He barely heard the way Kyungil squelched inside of him anymore. Kyungil took this moment of distraction to bend down and kiss his beautifully pink lips. Yijeong gasped and came in streaks over his stomach. He moaned right into Kyungil’s mouth, his lips vibrating against the elder’s.

Kyungil continued to move inside of him, continued to press right against his prostate. Yijeong’s dick had nothing else to release but his body still shuddered as if he was cumming again and again. He cried out as he was relentlessly wracked with tremors. It was almost torturous.

“Ahhn! Kyungil, stop, stop,” Yijeong pleaded. His body barely had any strength left. 

“What? No honorific?” Kyungil pushed in again. He began moving faster. All previous vitality had returned to his dick upon seeing Yijeong in such a mess.

“Hyung, please.” He was on the edge of tears. “Take it out. I can’t… Ah! It h—”

“But if I pull out, then my cum is going to be all over your bed. Do you want that?”

“Then take me to the bathroom.” Yijeong put his arms around Kyungil so that he could be lifted. He didn’t loosen his grip until Kyungil picked him up. He carried him to the bathroom while they were still attached. With each step, Yijeong felt Kyungil slide in deeper. They got into the shower before Kyungil spun Yijeong around and slammed him into the wall. 

“What—?” Yijeong could barely get the question out. Kyungil shoved himself into him deeper yet. The younger could feel his walls stretch again; Kyungil was fully hard. He didn’t even have time to recover from his orgasm and adjust to the new setting. Kyungil suddenly rolled his hips against Yijeong’s ass; he used his hands to spread his cheeks so that he could see exactly where they were connected.

“So beautiful,” Kyungil muttered. The pressure was back, urging him further into Yijeong. The boy was shaking, but Kyungil’s mind was preoccupied. Yijeong’s show left him unable to think rationally. It was so fucking sexy. His fingers bruised Yijeong’s hips with their grip. Kyungil’s lips latched onto Yijeong’s neck as he littered his pale skin with more kiss marks.

“Fuck.” Kyungil knew he was going to cum again. His hands snaked around Yijeong’s chest so that he could hold him close. He embraced him like that, hugging him from behind, as his hips snapped against his voluptuous ass. 

Yijeong felt Kyungil’s heartbeat against his back. Everything was burning and his mind was hazy. All he could think about was how much he wanted to cum. His hand instinctively moved down to his member. He jerked himself hard and relished that Kyungil knew exactly how to move inside of him. He was indignant earlier at Kyungil’s bratty attitude, but he could get angry later. Now he just wanted to surrender to the euphoria.

His fingers clawed at the shower wall and found no purchase on the slippery tiles. He bit his lips as he strained to hold back his voice. Kyungil’s aroma was all around him, digging into his head. He pressed against the head of his cock. A quiver shot through his body. A weak moan passed his lips, and his legs became jelly. Kyungil was growling in his ear. It tickled his skin. His entire world was filled with that man. The coil snapped. Clear liquid sputtered out of Yijeong and splattered against the wall. The rest dripped out of his urethra and slowly slid down the erect length. 

Kyungil finished then too, spurred by Yijeong’s voice. His breaths came out rough, and he sunk completely into Yijeong. Each quiver of Yijeong’s body tightened his walls around him. So at the same time, Kyungil could feel his orgasm pulled out of him. He released into Yijeong as his nose was buried in the crook of his neck, smelling his scent and his sweat. 

He wished he could stay inside Yijeong forever, but he sensed the smaller boy was on the verge of collapse. He pulled out then, and all the fluids from the last two rounds dripped out of Yijeong’s hole. It was a heady white, the effect of not ejaculating for a few days. The younger cringed. It felt weird. On the other hand, Kyungil felt like he was going to get hard again at the sight. He turned his head to distract himself for Yijeong’s sake and turned on the faucet.

“Ack!” The water was freezing. It took a while before it finally warmed up, and Yijeong didn’t have to make strange poses to avoid the water. He sat down in the tub, not caring that the water was hitting his face as long as he wouldn’t have to feel Kyungil’s seed running down his leg.

Kyungil crouched down beside him. “We have to get the cum out of you.”

Yijeong turned his face away. “I’ll do it myself.”

“What’s wrong?” Yijeong still didn’t look at him. “Hey. Was it bad?”

There was a moment of silence between them while all they heard was the water from the shower hitting the tub deafeningly. 

“It’s embarrassing,” Yijeong sniffled. “You already made me do so many humiliating things earlier. Do I have to let you do this too?”

“You didn’t like that?”

“Why would I?” The rims of his eyes were red. “You’re so sadistic.”

Kyungil cradled him into his arms, ignoring his protests. Yijeong had gained a little extra fat while staying with his parents. He smiled. He was glad that Yijeong was eating well. The next month was going to be tough as they worked for insane hours to prepare for the next album. 

“I’m sorry. I loved your gift. Watching you jerk off with me inside you was crazy hot. I just… I just wanted to take this time to see every part of you. I missed you so much while you were gone.” Plus, he was embarrassed for cumming too soon.

“You left too,” Yijeong said, but he understood.

“I know. Family is important, but now you’re important to me too. So come with me next time, alright?”

Yijeong hugged Kyungil back, touched by his words.

“So will you let me help you?” Kyungil asked.

Yijeong blushed but nodded. “Yeah.” 

“Oh, we also need to clean the wall too, right? Since you came?” Kyungil looked at the wall but there was nothing there. He ran a hand along the surface. His forehead wrinkled in concern. “Huh, did you not c—” His fingers encountered a slick fluid. Confused, he looked and realized the liquid was clear like water. His eyes turned to look at Yijeong whose head was down, allowing his wet bangs to hide his face. “You can squirt?”

Yijeong didn’t speak. Under his black hair, his eyes were huge with anticipation. He bit his lip. It was weird right? He never knew something like that would involuntarily come out of his body. 

Kyungil’s large hand grasped Yijeong’s chin, pulling his face up. Kyungil was dangerously close. While he spoke, their lips brushed against each other. “I never knew you could get any sexier.”

***

That night, they went to bed on freshly changed sheets. Yijeong was tucked snugly into Kyungil’s arms. Kyungil watched the lights from outside the window flicker on the ceiling. They laid together in a peaceful quietness. The sky was dark, the stars were bright, and somehow the blanket was kicked half off. Yijeong drifted off while clutching onto Kyungil’s chest. He smiled in his sleep. 

It wasn’t cold anymore.


End file.
